Australia to re-introduce Knighthoods, Lords and Barons: will create jobs helping rich people go fox-hunting.
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Following the Prime Minister’s decision speed up the reintroduction of imperial honors, newly designated Lord Clive of Palmerston has announced that he will be providing thatched huts for any of his mining workers who currently are living in disused coal mines. The PM applauded Lord Palmerston
“We’re getting things done faster than a catholic priest with an altar boy,” the PM said. “The roll-outs of Lords and Barons won’t be like Labor’s NBN. We intend to have a Lord in every city and two Barons in every municipality by the end of the month.
“Lords will be people of impeccable credentials,” said the PM. “Oil industry entrepreneurs who exposed climate change fraud, journalists who have exposed fake aborigines, and manufacturers of the suppositories of all wisdom.
“In time, we’ll have a House of Lords to replace the senate,” said the PM. “The senate spent most of its time arguing about stuff no one really understood. Human rights or something. Our new House of Lords can be like the English one, and reintroduce fox hunting. That would give a boost to the farming industry, and give jobs to unemployed serfs who could help rich people on and off their horses. They could form groups and go into the bush beating drums to scare the foxes into the open. On top of that, there’ll be jobs for costume makers, ermine and sable farms, and work for decorative jewellers. After all, to give the nation the lift in spirits it needs, the scheme has to look right.”
Lord Palmerston agreed the plan would create jobs. “It will take at least three people full time to get me on and off my horse. And the new Baroness Gina Rheingold would probably need the same.”
The Institute of Public Affairs has estimated the new honors system could create 2.6 million new jobs in its first twelve months.